Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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