i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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