You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Randomize
