shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
