no, he came in my armpit
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
Randomize
