is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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