I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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