i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
