there was a trapeze. enough said
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
