you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize