To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I need help removing her.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
