I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
