I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
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