So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
