I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
I came so hard my ears popped.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
