Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
