There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
