is your mom at the bar?
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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