So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize