I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
