Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
