I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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