Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize