You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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