Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize