Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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