I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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