Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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