great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
