He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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