yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Someone signed my nipple.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
