The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize