i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I look better un-naked...
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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