just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
