she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
