Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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