i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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