Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
