I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
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