My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
