so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Randomize
