note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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