Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just blew my weed a kiss
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just had sex on a roof
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
