Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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