She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
