I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
