dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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