he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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