It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
