you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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