"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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