I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Your face is a jimmy john
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
