He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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