how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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