I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
