Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
