Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
