can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
