I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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