the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
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