You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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