You just made me feel so damn special
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
my shit smells like andre
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
