There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
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