I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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