I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Randomize
