everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I love having hate sex.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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