we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Randomize
