butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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