They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
