he thought i was a dude.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
