my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Floor bacon is actually really good
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