Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
