I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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