woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
