if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
