I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
