They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Well I just put wine in my tea
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
