I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
