I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
