Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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