I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
