and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
