Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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