i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
