that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
