Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
