I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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