ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
