i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm at about main and main street
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
