You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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