I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
